A.I. 8 Final Two and the Introduction to Worst Winner Song Ever

Ryan Seacrest tells us that this is a final showdown between The Acoustic Rocker vs glam Rocker, Conway vs California, Guy next door vs Guyliner. I'm thinking that must have taken loads of imagination. Absolute brain racking imagination.

Naturally being the Final competition show all the judges are dressed up more than usual. Simon in his yearly outing in a sort of suit, I like Pauler's satin green dress. Kara, well whatever, she doesn't get any compliments since she co-wrote the Idol winner's-worst-song-ever, Then there's Randy. Darling Daughter turns and asks me, "Why is Randy dressed like a clown?" I answer her, "Because he's Randy-the-Bo-Bo and that's how Bo Bo the clown dresses." She seemed satisfied with that response. Is it me, or does anyone else think it odd, but why in hell are the contestants wearing leather jackets? It's California. It's May.

Ryan introduces Adam and Kris and for some reason they both think it's off the hook clever to say, "Totally". Wasn't that word more current a few years back? "Totally".

Tonight's situation regarding the competition, they sing three songs. One, their favorite from the season, one Simon Fuller's pick and one the uber schlocky Kara dioTardi co-written song. When it was announced she was a co-writer of this song guaranteed it to be complete crap. Look how she hooked Taylor Hicks up on his eponymous album.

Adam's intro brought to light he was one of those babies. Like mine was. Colic most of the first year of life and lots and lots of screaming. Thing is, that one isn't a singer, somehow that theory lost credibility. I do like his owning up as a child he was a pain in the ass. Having been one myself, for my parents, I mentally high five him.

He wisely selects "Mad World" dressed in what Darling Man pegged as something out of HellRaiser. The smoke and lighting served to remind me rather of Harry Dresden. He's a character from the Dresden series written by Jim Butler. I do like Adam's hand glam.

Bo-Bo chirps in he's giving Adam an "A" for, well, Adam. Kara started her bubbly babbling and did she say 'changed the gay up' or 'changed the game up'? Like the first choice best. Pauler was 'so proud' and we all know what she's inferring here as well. Simon called Adam on the theatrical effects; he was feeling more of a "Phantom of the Opera" whereas Bo-Bo had to come back with "Twilight". Remember in the beginning of this show Bo-Bo compared Adam to Edward Cullun/Rob Pattinson? Yeah.

Seems Kris Allen didn't like to sing in front of family, they'd have to pay him a quarter. Eventually he broke out with coupons. Likely we'll be seeing that happen now in the Big Real.

Kris sings "Ain't No Sunshine" accompanies himself with piano. Nice soulful rendition, and man, you have to give props, he's a musician. He actually plays instruments and all that so I give him additional credit. Crowd gives him a Standing O.

Randy and Kara agreed that if there is someone out there who doesn't like it, there is something is wrong with them. Pauler said he Allen-ized it (please Kris don't do what Taylor Hicks' does and start talking about how you Allenize you music. Really, don't.) Simon retracts all the mean man things he's ever said about Kris. Ding, ding, ding, Simon calls this first one for Kris. I think it a tie.

Simon Fuller, perhaps with a slight nod toward Taylor Hicks, no wait, just writing that is wrong, picks "Change is Gonna Come" for gLambert. This has Bo-Bo saying, "Dude you can sing your face off", Kara declares it the Best Performance From beginning ever. Pauler incorporates her lasso move and Simon, of course, likes it.

Kris gets, "What's Going On" by Marvin Gaye. He incorporates his Jason Mraz imitation and plays guitar. His mouth seems to have a preternatural ability, more so than usual to swing completely to the right on his face. Weird. It's a repetitive and boring arrangement.

Darling Daughter fixates on Randy again with saying, "Seriously Mom what IS Randy wearing?" She just can't get past his ensemble. Kara yapped up how Kris needs to do only socially conscious message songs that will uplift and change humanity. Or some such shit. Hate her and everything she says. Darling Man yells at the television, "You're an Idiot!". He hates her with me. Pauler says he 'tore it up' whereas Simon snaps back and says something about it being like three people in the bedroom strumming guitar. You may recall he's used this line before - with Jason Castro.

Simon says that round two goes to Adam, "One million per cent".

Flash to audience and the entire season's gang's all there even that guy with thos massive eyebrows. Can't remember half of those people's names. Not looking them up either.

Last song is the worst song ever penned for an Idol winner and smug-faced Kara is a co-writer. I believe I've already said how very much this song sucks donkeys. It is full of reaching for stars, riding through a hurricane, mountains, man, just string together as many freaking cliche's as you can, slap some strings to it and bham you have a Pop song. It's titled "No Boundaries" but the boundaries lie in the immensely horribleness of it. We need have some sort of musical border control to stop this from ever hitting my radio waves.

Randy thought Adam was pitchy, likely because Adam was holding back a grimace the entire time he was having to sing it. I don't know how he made it through that dreck. Kara loved it and is practically lolling around on the table over having partially created this monster crap song. Pauler said Adam was amazing. and Simon made me love him so hard, actually called that shit song the shit it was refusing to judge Adam since he had to sing it. He tells Adam that he's the best most original contestants they've ever had on the show, considers he'll be a world wide star. So he's basically wanting to hand the Idol crown to him right now, so you folks at home listen up.

Kris Allen actually fares somewhat better, seeming to really enjoy singing about all those hurricanes, tornadoes and whatever else might be found in a 1970's horror movie. (Poseidon Adventure hit my brain, no idea why.) I almost gack over the higher, deeper dreams and mountains within this there ain't no cliche' boundaries of a song.

Randy is very proud, Kara called him compelling but that folks need consider his body of work in the season. Pauler is pleasant but not very committal telling Kris he's where he should be in this competition. Simon compliments his parents. Note, no one compliments the singing portion of this song delivered by Kris.

Winner round three, for me, another tie.

DialIdol who has been wrong all season anyway, why I keep looking at it I have no idea, has them in a virtual tie.

Looks like a coin toss tonight.